


Just a Star Away

by idrilhadhafang



Series: Star Wars, Episode VIII: The Last Jedi [4]
Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Aftermath of Torture, F/M, Gen, Injury Recovery, Major Character Injury, Not Actually Unrequited Love, aftermath of killing, mentions of Rey - Freeform, mentions of slip - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-24
Updated: 2017-07-24
Packaged: 2018-12-06 08:25:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 788
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11596782
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/idrilhadhafang/pseuds/idrilhadhafang
Summary: Finn recovers from his injuries at the hands of Kylo Ren.





	Just a Star Away

**Author's Note:**

> Prompt: Loss of limb/amputation/mutilation
> 
> Disclaimer: I own nothing.

 

The healing process hasn't been easy with the matter of what Kylo Ren did to him. Doctor Kalonia says that he's lucky to be alive, and Finn can't say that he disagrees, actually. The fact that he survived even through the scorching pain of Kylo Ren's lightsaber, the pain that almost caused him to fall unconscious before the slash up the back put him out of commission, is probably some sort of miracle.

Not to mention the fact he even left marks on that monster at all, even briefly. He hadn't known how he'd managed to pick up a lightsaber -- he had just done it. He just wishes, now that the adrenaline's died down and he's out of danger, that he didn't have to kill his friends.

Poe visits when he can. Always with this look on his face, like it was somehow his fault that Finn got injured. It's not, really. After all, Poe didn't do anything. Then again, it's unfair that a person as bright and wonderful as Poe gets to suffer. Finn doesn't ask why.

It's one day that he manages to ask Poe something. "Are you okay?"

Poe nods. "It's been one hell of a mission. And..." He wets his lips. "You gave me one hell of a scare there, Finn. I thought I'd lost you."

And something about the way that Poe says it makes Finn realize, with a joyful sort of shock, that Poe really would have missed him if he'd died. He can't say even those in his old squad would have done it.

  
***

It's later that Poe talks to him about killing Slip, and Finn doesn't know what to say. He can still remember Slip's bloody handprint on his helmet -- that was one of the worst parts about the village massacre, besides the fact that it happened at all, and the fact that he very narrowly escaped Kylo Ren's wrath for not firing on the village. Maybe Ren was saving him for Starkiller. Finn still has no idea.

He should hate Poe for this, and yet he understands. He doesn't like it at all (and that's an understatement), but he's done similar. He hates the fact he's essentially had to fight his own comrades.

"It's..." Slip's death isn't going to be okay, necessarily, with Finn, but he can understand. Besides, calling out Poe for killing Slip would make him a hypocrite considering who he's killed -- and like Poe, all while doing battle, all while doing self-defense. You didn't have time to think on the battlefield. It was mostly at night that even your most practical acts of self-defense came back to haunt you.

So he's not okay with Slip's death. He's not forgetting him either. But he knows that Poe isn't a monster. Poe probably had no idea what the stormtroopers looked like under their helmets.

Finn takes a deep breath. "You're not the only one who's killed in battle," he says. "It just doesn't hit you until later."

"It really does." Poe says.

There's silence before Poe speaks again. "How's your back?"

"Doing better. Doctor Kalonia doesn't want me to do anything strenuous, anything that might tear it up. She says that Kylo Ren really...really kriffed up my back."

Another flash of pain in Poe's eyes. Finn continues. "It's not your fault."

"I know. It's just not fair, Finn."

And Finn can't recall the last time someone was...anything, actually, on his behalf.

***

Finn still has nightmares. Even lying on his side, he closes his eyes and sees Ren stabbing Han before Finn and Rey's eyes, and Rey's scream like her heart was torn out. He can see Rey slammed into a tree, Rey carried off in the arms of the thing of nightmares, and when he wakes, his shoulder's on fire and he can all but smell cooking flesh.

Poe's still good in that regard. Setting him up to talk to Rey, seeing that he's not alone, that he's been through the same things that Rey has. They've gotten through it all, they've lived. They're survivors, they're fighters.

He only wishes he could tell Rey his feelings. Seeing her for the first time fighting off beings trying to steal BB-8, and being enchanted by this fierce, beautiful, brave woman -- not to mention selfless, defending a droid that she hardly knew. How his feelings have only grown over time. There's oceans and galaxies in between them, but by the stars, is it really that far?

He does know he'll do anything for Rey. Rescue her from monsters and fight by her side, because he...

He loves her. And that realization is startling.

Yes. He loves Rey.

Finn just wonders how to tell her. Maybe one day.

One day.

 

 


End file.
